Wonder Woman 1984 opens back on Themyscira, the home of Diana Prince and the rest of the Amazons. The scene takes place long ago with a young Diana sneaking into a multi-stage athletic race, and almost winning it. It works as an opening sequence for a superhero origin story. However, Wonder Woman 1984 is a sequel. I also seem to remember the first film telling us that Diana couldn’t train until she was a teenager. There’s also the far worse issue that the scene has no bearing on the rest of the film. I could go on with the issues because that’s essentially what happens the longer you watch Wonder Woman 1984. You tend to keep saying…”Hang on, what the fuck?”
I don’t know if it’s because Patty Jenkins, who also directed the first film, got caught up in rushing this one out amongst the Zack Snyder-DC turmoil, or if it was simply of a case of missing the first film’s screenwriter in Allan Heinberg. The point is that WW84 is simply a mess in almost every aspect, from its pacing, character development, lore, visual effects and superhero action sequences. Everything about the first film that worked fails to do so here in an almost stunning fashion. The long theatrical release delay, which started even before the pandemic, caused the film to be released on HBOMax streaming service, and that allowed me to pause the film a number of times in order to go to something more entertaining.
Taking place in the 80’s, though it doesn’t really feel like it, WW84 finds Diana (Gal Gadot) working as a senior anthropologist at the Smithsonian in Washington, D.C., specializing in ancient Mediterranean civilizations; Diana also fights crime as Wonder Woman, trying to keep her identify hidden despite not wearing a mask and fighting in front of cameras. She also still greatly pines (ha!) for her dead lover from 60 years ago in Steve Trevor (Chris Pine). While on the job, Diane befriends Barbara Minerva (Kristen Wiig), an insecure woman who comes to idolize Diana. Barbara is assigned to identify a cache of stolen antiquities from a failed robbery, one of the objects catches the attention of Barbara and Diana; it is later revealed to be the “Dreamstone,” an object that grants a single wish while taking away a person’s greatest attribute in return. Diana unknowingly wills Steve Trevor back into existence in the body of another person; Barbara gains confidence, sex appeal and super powers; and failing businessman Maxwell “Max Lord” Lorenzano (Pedro Pascal) covets the item to save his oil company. Upon his possession of the Dreamstone, Lord wishes to become the object, and gain the ability to grant wishes.
The narrative takes awhile to get going – first with the unnecessary prologue, then a poorly done action scene in a mall. The introductions of Barbara and Max Lord don’t inspire much to come, and by the time the Dreamstone becomes a problem, we’re almost an hour into an overlong movie. The issues with pacing continue as long action scenes amount to nothing more than not catching the bad guy, only to regroup and try again. Then there are long scenes were Lord wields his new powers in ways where we’ve already gotten the point. Not that the film follows its own rules anyway. The Dreamstone can wish an entire wall of earth into existence, but it needs to bring Steve back into another person’s body?
Speaking of Steve, this iteration simply doesn’t work. Chris Pine is one of the only actors in the film bringing some of the charm of the first, but his Steve just doesn’t sit right. I supposes that’s the point, but the film keeps his character so passive that I never felt he added much. The time Diana spends with him would have been better spent building a relationship with Barbara, who’s arc is basically Michelle Pfeiffer’s from Batman Returns, except not as good. The majority of this film borrows from other superhero outings…except not as good. Anyway, WW84 really does Barbara a disservice by allowing her first moment of villainy come from her beating up her potential rapist…also she eventually becomes The Cheetah…for some reason. Wiig tries, but when you looking slightly less horrifying than the cats from the Cats, it’s a difficult starting point. Pedro Pascal also brings energy to the film, but I simply couldn’t get into his character either, not his villainous ways or his tragic ones. And how the hell did his kid make it to the highway?
I though Gal Gadot was great in the first film, showing wonder (no pun intended) and vulnerability along with strength. Here she’s just sort of along for the ride in her own movie. And Jenkins needs to fire her visual effects crew and whomever helped her design the action sequences. The writers need to go too, as they randomly put Diana’s Asteria armor in her office so she can wear it later for three minutes before it gets destroyed; someone should have also told the production crew that if they’re going to make a scene randomly take place on the 4th of July, then they shouldn’t dress the actors in trench-coats. Finally, I love Hans Zimmer, but where the hell was the 80’s music.
The more you watch Wonder Woman 1984, the more you find things wrong with it. The best bet is to not watch it at all. Forget it exists…kind of like how all the characters in Justice League already did.
Grade: D-
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