Bill & Ted Face the Music

2020 being a terrible year so far is about the only thing everyone can agree upon. Between COVID-19 and serious social issues, people are angry and tired, and they want an end to the misery as instantly as it takes them to write a reactionary comment on Facebook. The reprieves of entertainment have been limited too, with sports needing to exist under safety precautions due to the virus, along with their increase in embracing these social issues. This a way to say that “turning on the game” hasn’t exactly become a means for escape. We of course should be looking for solutions instead of escape; however, I’ll admit to wanting a breather that entertainment can provide.

Enter Ted “Theodore” Logan and William S. “Bill” Preston, the “Bill & Ted” who went on a An Excellent Adventure in the late 80’s and a Bogus Journey in the early 90’s. Now they’re back for a final trip through time in hopes of saving reality. The goal used to be saving humanity, though their new film Bill & Ted Face the Music seems to recognize that in order to save humanity, you have to unite them in the common cause of saving reality. The film doesn’t throw this point in our face, but Bill and Ted notice the change in their task. And I think it’s an appropriate change. Look, Face the Music isn’t a profound work of art that seeks to stay with you all hours of the night, it’s a silly sci-fi comedy that understands its goal, and that goal is to party on. And to my delight, it does.

Since the last time we saw them, Bill (Alex Winter) and Ted (Keanu Reeves) of the rock band Wyld Stallyns have been unable to write “the song that would unite the world.” As a result, time and reality have began to collapse on itself. After a ridiculous performance at Logan (Ted’s younger brother) and Missy’s (Ted’s former stepmom…and Bill’s former stepmom) wedding, Kelly (Kristen Schaal), the daughter of Rufus (the late George Carlin), arrives from the future to take Bill and Ted back to meet with The Great Leader (Holland Taylor), who tells them they have until 7:17pm that night to write the song, or reality will be destroyed. Deciding that they won’t be able to write the song in time, Bill and Ted use Rufus’ time-travelling phone booth to attempt to steal the song from their future selves. However, with each jump ahead into the future, they come across progressively worse situations, learning that their (princess) wives leave them and their daughters no longer speak to them.  Speaking of their daughters, Billie (Brigette Lundy-Paine) and Thea (Samara Weaving), who share their dads love for music, want to help write the song. So they take Kelly’s time machine, and enlist the help of historical figures all throughout music history. And Death (William Sadler) gets involved again because damn straight.

I needed this movie. I needed its cheesy humor; I needed to not only laugh at some of the dialogue, but especially laugh at the way it was said. The now Bill & Ted trilogy are three movies that are better than they have any right to be, and while Face the Music may be the least of them, it could not have come at a better time. The plot is simple, but nicely divided up into two factions – the dudes, and their daughters. Each of these sections have scenes that don’t land with the comedy, but they’re also both filled with a enough small moments of goofiness to earn their build to the film’s final act, which thankfully flourishes instead of petering out. In that final act, the movie gets even more outrageous and endearing. Leading to a conclusion that feels like a great big hug. I’ve heard complaints that the film ends too abruptly, but the first two end the same way.

As with any of these long delayed sequels, the main focus is on the returning stars. Keanu Reeves has become a beloved figure in recent years, and he continues to show why. Ted was the kind of role that I never thought he’d be willing to do again, but here he is embracing the “Woah” a bunch of times. He won’t be winning any Oscars, but I liked that his Ted seems more melancholy than before. Unlike Reeves, Alex Winter has been trying to get this film made for a while, and his performance reflects that. Winter brings more energy than Reeves, and seems to be in constant state of joy to be Bill once again. As their daughters, Samara Weaving and Brigette Lundy-Paine are mostly excellent, and never heinous. Weaving is becoming a star, and continues to be able to poke fun at herself while disappearing into a role. Of the two though, it’s Brigette Lundy-Paine who truly shines. As Ted’s daughter, Lundy-Paine out-Keanu Reeves even Keanu Reeves, with an almost scary reminder of the actor in the earlier films. One gripe is that there are times when they do imitate a little too obviously. Kristen Schaal is fine in her role, but I couldn’t help miss George Carlin, who gets a nice little tribute. Kid Cudi plays himself, and instead of that being a misstep, the film allows his character to be integral to the plot in a fun and surprising way. Of everyone, the two standouts are Anthony Carrigan as a character named Dennis Caleb McCoy, who’s every line is solid gold, and the returning William Sadler as Death. Sadler was an ubiquitous actor back in those early 90’s, and I’ve missed seeing him; as Death, he slips back into his role better than Reevres and Winter, and with hilarious results.

Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon wrote all three installments of Bill & Ted, and they know these characters, and the specific kind of story they belong in. Some moments do feel dated, but there are plenty of small asides that make up for it. To be fair, that may have something to do with director Dean Parisot, who made the great Galaxy Quest, another film that shouldn’t be as good as it is. Parisot keeps the narrative flowing, and never plays a moment in too serious of a way that hinders the goofiness needed for Bill and Ted to be Bill and Ted.

Going into Face the Music, all I wanted was a much needed escape. The film is exactly that, I just didn’t realize how much I needed it.

Grade: B+

Tesla

Nikola Tesla is a fascinating figure that’s slowly gained popularity over the years. I feel like most of us grew up hearing about the achievements of Thomas Edison, and held him in high regard. Then one day someone would mention “Tesla” and how he was better than Edison, or undermined by Edison, or at the very least, a brilliant mind that was never able to either gain or keep the resources in order to execute his ideas. His story is one of tragedy if you consider its conclusion, and tragedy should make for a great narrative, especially when the man at its center is an enigma.

Michael Almereyda’s Tesla fucks all that up with a rusty lighting rod…as far as it will go.

Seriously, I think this film short circuited my brain to the point that I now have less knowledge of Nikola Tesla than I did before I sat down to watch it. It’s a discombobulated and dull mess with a go fuck yourself performance from Ethan Hawke that makes Tesla look like a cold-dead fish. I really hated it. I hated the way it was written and shot…and it has terrible lighting. Couldn’t even get the lighting right in a movie about Tesla and Edison.

I’m not going to go into the plot, because I’d rather tell you to go watch the far superior The Current War, which despite being more about Edison, had a greater insight into Tesla than this asshole of a movie. It basically covers the period after Tesla quits Edison’s (Kyle MacLachlan) employment, and tries to make it on his own with investors he needs to impress. He eventually catches the eye of Anne Morgan (Eve Hewson), youngest daughter to J.P. Morgan (Donnie Keshawarz), who eventually invests in Tesla’s idea to create world-wide communication in an instant. Things don’t go as planned and Tesla sings a karaoke version of Everybody Wants to Rule the World, I shit you not.  

The film goes for this “fuck it” approach and has the characters occasionally break the 4th wall, but it never adds anything to the movie, nor does it ever seem to be appropriate. We see a character talk to us while researching Tesla on an Apple laptop, and I don’t know why. There are scenes in this movie that we watch, only for a narrator to tell us that they never happened, and I don’t know why. I already mentioned the karaoke, but it goes worth mentioning again for how embarrassing the scene is. I feel like writer/director Michael Almereyda was going for Nicolas Winding Refn approach, but unlike Bronson, the oddities never fall into place.

Ethan Hawke’s performance occasionally remembers to do something with a word to remind you that Tesla is supposed to have a Serbian accent, but he’s otherwise terrible. I never used to like him as an actor; however, he’s really turned it around in these past years…and now I hate him all over again. Eve Hewson has the right initial approach to her character, but the film never lets her expand on it, and so she feels one-note. Kyle MacLachlan is the only one of the cast that showed up with some electricity.

Seriously, go watch The Current War, or David Bowie in The Prestige , or any fucking thing other than this terrible movie.

Grade: D-

Sputnik

I saw the trailers for Sputnik and thought the idea was cool, but that the overall effort looked like crap. Then out came the reviews that suggested it was an entertaining and well crafted. After watching the Russian horror/thriller I can say that while I didn’t find it that scary or disturbing, it has a nice little morality play within its narrative, and a moroseness that kept me engaged. And I liked the alien.

Sputnik takes place in 1983, with cold war tensions still in full swing; it opens with two Russian cosmonauts engaged in an orbital research mission that’s coming to a close. Just as they prepare for reentry into the atmosphere, something appears outside the window, and hitches a ride back to Earth. Once crashed into Soviet Kazakhstan, Soviet military finds one of the two cosmonauts dead, and the other in a coughing fit with his eyes completely black as though he’s possessed. The living comrade, named Konstantin (Pyotr Fyodorov), is taken to an isolated military facility, where Dr. Tatyana Klimova, (Oksana Akinshina) a young psychiatrist/neurologist under review for her controversial approaches, is recruited by the officer in charge, Colonel Semiradov (Fyodor Bondarchuk ). She is not told the real reason for Konstantin’s quarantine, but it’s quickly discovered that the cosmonaut brought back an extraterrestrial life-form inside his own body without knowing it himself. The creature comes out during the night, while its host is asleep. Colonel Semiradov reveals to her that she is here to determine how to separate Konstantin and the creature.

I loved the opening of this movie, especially the way the creature enters the scene without being shown. From there, the first half is a strong exercise in discovery, with the mystery of Konstantin’s captivity being slowly revealed. Once those facts are known, the film got a little too boiled down in good old fashioned Soviet corruption. As I said, there’s a nice little morality play going on here, but the filmmakers should have leaned into that aspect more, instead Sputnik makes the mistake of trying to hang onto its horror elements. And horror, outside of the opening scene, isn’t Sputnik’s strong suit.

I liked all of the performances, especially Oksana Akinshina, who exudes a much needed warmth in an otherwise cold movie. There’s another doctor-character in the film who has a nice little arc, but otherwise I could bring myself to sympathize. Even with scenes that take place at an orphanage, because they take too much away from the main action without reason. Well…we eventually find out the reason, but it feels like a useless trick.

Otherwise…yeah, I liked a decent amount of this movie, and some may find it more engaging than me. So for those who think it looks decent, enjoy. Oh and I was surprised in how much I liked the design of the alien. It has enough personality to seem like an occasionally not vicious wild animal. I wish it showed up in HBO’s Chernobyl.

Grade: B-

Unhinged

The low point of Unhinged came during a scene in a diner when one character beats another to death, and instead of any of the other patrons doing anything, they take out their cell phones and occasionally shriek in horror. I know the film was trying to make a commentary on today’s society, and I admit that people choosing to record instead of intervening isn’t an inaccurate portrayal; however, DO SOMETHING PEOPLE. Also it felt like an excuse for the plot to move forward, otherwise the film would have ended with this scene. So it became something that I had to accept, and I wasn’t satisfied with that. Then, the next scene had me further infuriated when the protagonist simply wasn’t calling the police, and I was ready to write the entire film off…only to find out moments later that said character did call the police and it was time for me to take it down a notch.

But here’s the point – despite Unhinged not being particularly special, I was invested, and more importantly I stayed invested until the end. Is it worth braving a movie theater trip in these times? Probably not, but in normal times, I wouldn’t have minded seeing this film and heading to the bar shortly after to discuss and laugh at it, but it would all be in good fun. Because I liked it.

Unhinged follows Rachel (Caren Pistorius), a newly-divorced single mother living in New Orleans, who’s struggling financially and in general with keeping her life in order. On the day the film takes place, Rachel is driving her 15-year-old son Kyle (Gabriel Bateman) to school. While driving, Rachel gets stuck in rush hour traffic, and attempts to take service roads. At a traffic light she honks her horn at a pickup truck that has failed to go once the light turned green. The owner of this truck is Tom Cooper (Russel Crowe), who we’ve already seen murder two people in the film’s opening moments, those people being his ex-wife and her new boyfriend. Eventually Tom catches up to Rachel at another traffic light and demands an apology. Rachel refuses, causing Tom to promise her that she’s about to have a really bad day.

I didn’t watch any of the trailers for this movie so I actually went into it expecting something akin to Falling Down, and that we’d be following Russel Crowe’s character as he snaps. Instead the film is more like Duel or Joy Ride, where Crowe’s character is a force that’s usually weaponized with an intimidating automobile. And like those films, Unhinged does a strong job of not letting-up its tension, and offers few moments to breathe, if any. That combined with a slim run-time keeps the narrative focused and engaging, even it things don’t always make sense. The film also has numerous earlier moments and previous lines of dialog that end up playing a role in the outcome. Most of these instances aren’t so brilliant, but it’s nice to see a movie like this doing that. And I have to give the screenplay props for a crucial one near the conclusion.

Russell Crowe seems to be having a blast chewing the scenery, but he’s also able to find a moment here and there where he lets the broken man come through. Caren Pistorius does a solid job of gaining sympathy and not falling into a trap of being irritating while not always making the best choices as a character. She isn’t superhuman, and that’s kind of refreshing. Gabriel Bateman is also good in yet another role that could have gotten annoying, but he manages to not do so. Jimmi Simpson is in the film as well, and he’s pretty much wasted for such a good actor.

Director Derrick Borte has made a fun little movie that will ask you to ignore some plot holes, and if you can, Unhinged will be worth its brief and mostly exciting portrayal of a very bad day.

Grade: B-

An American Pickle/The Tax Collector/Waiting For The Barbarians

An American Pickle is a film that gets caught between silly and sweet, and not enough in a good way. When it’s sweet, it feels genuine; when it’s silly, it’s a little too ridiculous. Unfortunately the film spends too much time in the silly department, getting bogged down in one character attempting to ruin the life of an oblivious one, and that feels mean for a story that wants to be so tender-hearted. Seth Rogan stars in a duel role, playing Herschel Greenbaum in 1919, who gets preserved in a pickle brine for 100, and Ben Greenbaum, who lives in 2019, attempting to make his fortune with a new app that judges the ethics of products. The two characters clash, with Ben not wanting to embrace his heritage due to a past family tragedy, something that Herschel mistakes for cowardice. And so a large portion of the film is spent with them at odds, containing too many jokes that don’t land.

Rogan is really good though, actually this may be the best performance he’s given so far. It’s full of far more restraint than I’m used to seeing from him, and like the rest of the film, is at its best when it slows down to let us get a sense of two people who have lost a great deal in their lives, and who are too stubborn to see how they can help one another. Director Brandon Trost got started out as a cinematographer, and I’m not surprised because this movie has some solid visual scenes, especially throughout the prologue. I just wish the screenplay trusted it heart, and made sweeter pickles.

Grade: C+

This is shit. I don’t know why Shia LaBeouf got those real chest tattoos if the only time you get a look at them is on grainy cell phone footage when they’re covered in blood. If I missed a moment where you see them more clearly…please someone tell me because I won’t be going back to check it out. Writer/director David Ayer took ideas from some of his earlier movies and then decided to cast a guy who got his acting lessons from Grand Theft Auto characters who watched Scarface in the background of a Telanovela.

Grade: D-

This film is for those who appreciate a slow, though provoking story, that perhaps shouldn’t have spent so much time having one character wash another’s feet. Mark Rylance is great; Johnny Depp proves once again that he’s great when he’s not getting his bed pooped in; and Pattinson isn’t in the movie enough to really make an impact.

I was bored, but I liked it.

Grade: B-

The Rental

Dave Franco’s The Rental has the making of a nice little thriller, straightforward and with a short enough run-time to attack early and often. It contains sex, betrayal, violence, voyeurism, the dark and a big house in the middle of nowhere. These are solid ingredients for what should be a satisfying recipe for an entertaining thriller. Throw in four good performers to fill out the main players and potential victims, and Franco really had a chance to make something good here. Instead we get a slow and plodding film about four insufferable people who make stupid choices that I was hoping would get them killed.

The Rental is follows a pairing of two couples looking to get away for the weekend at an ocean-view house. They are Charlie (Dan Stevens) and Michelle (Alison Brie), who are married, and Josh (Jeremy Allen White) and Mina (Sheila Vand). Josh is Charlie’s younger, less successful brother, and Mina is Charlie’s business partner, who he admires a little too much. An admiration she returns…also a little too much. Upon arriving at the remote property, the group meets the house owner Taylor (Toby Huss), who’s oft-putting in a general creep kind of way. Couple that with him denying Mina’s application for the house without a reason to only accept Charlie’s immediately after. Mina confronts Taylor about this, believing her denial was racially influenced. Anyway…Taylor’s weird and seemingly has motivation to irrationally dislike one of his four weekend tenets. Wackiness ensues…eventually…more towards the end, when you’ll already be checked out.

With a movie such as this, the narrative should keep its character drama running side by side with the escalating tension, so that the film has a gradual build of both elements before they each erupt. The Rental sort of does that, but in a back-heavy way. The first two-thirds of this film consists of the characters complaining or being generally terrible to one another, which is not the way to get them on the viewer’s side. Nothing really escalates until the second night in the house when all of a sudden unintentional violence conveniently leads to intentional violence. Then the movie is over, with little to say for itself.

Its not that I care that the film has so little to say, its that it wasn’t entertaining while it wasn’t saying it. Franco clearly has talent behind the camera, especially in this particular genre; he just waits too long before allowing the story to have an outburst, and then things move too quickly. The main problem is that the characters are dull, irritating and inspire zero sympathy. And the character drama is barely paid-off because by the time its addressed, the outside threat takes over the movie. To their credit the actors give it their best shot, especially Allison Brie, who plays the least irritating character of the four.

The Rental should have been much better, and I think if Franco had a do-over, he’d be able to come up with a script that could coincide with his skills as director. Until then, rent something else.

Grade: D

Relic

Natalie Erika James’ Relic is a slow-burn horror film that uses the source of its horror as an allegory for dementia. More specifically, what it’s like watching someone you love succumb to the decline of their own brain. It is a skillfully made, if uneven story, that can’t quite mix its two main elements to satisfactory results. In order to then review it, I think you have to examine the movie in three ways – how it works as a horror film; how it works as a presentation of dementia; and how it works as a combination of the two.

Relic begins with a woman named Kay (Emily Mortimer) and her daughter, Sam (Bella Heathcoat) traveling to their remote family home because Edna (Robyn Nevin), Kay’s mother and Sam’s grandmother, has gone missing. They expect the cause of her disappearance is due to her brain disease that’s getting worse. Once they arrive at the home, everything seems normal despite being abandoned with the exception of a seemingly hidden passageway in the upstairs area that’s covered in mold. One morning, Edna returns as though nothing is wrong, though we secretly learn that she believes she’s been possessed by a demon. The question remains if whether or not the demon is real, or if it’s the dementia talking. Or are they one in the same?

Firstly, as a horror film, I didn’t find Relic particularity scary, though it does contain elements that are unsettling, and first-time director Natalie Erika James has some real talent that I expect will find its potential within the genre. But for audiences expected a more straight-forward horror film, you will be bored. Kay has a few nightmares with upsetting imagery, but nothing that particularity chilled me.

As a look at dementia, the film is more successful. The frustration of all parties involved, along with the general morose atmosphere feels realistic to such a terrible situation. Especially a sequence when Kay visits a potential care facility to place Edna in. The simple view from a window is enough to be emotionally affecting. For anyone that has dealt with this issue in their life, I’m sure this film will strike true. The performances by Mortimer is especially good in conveying the situation, though I found Nevin to be too over the top.

Then it comes down to how these two elements mix…and, well, I never quite felt like they did until the film’s conclusion, which I’ll get to. It seemed to me that the horror aspects were intruding on the story because I could never buy them as real. I almost wish the film never told us Edna’s character had dementia, this way the allegory could reveal itself more naturally. Though I’m not sure if that would have made for a better movie. However, despite everything I just said, I found the film’s final scene to be a perfect marriage of all of its elements. For that one moment, Relic achieves its goal of presenting this disease through a horror prism. It just didn’t achieve it all the way through.

Grade: C+